GameStop recently came under fire for one of its instructional videos training GameStop employees to deal with female customers during its “sharpen the mind, shape the body” promotion. Sure it’s a bit sexist. It insults female consumers by assuming they don’t understand video games or foreign things like gamer-jargon (Wii, nunchuk, PS3, controller, game, experience, etc.). However, people are overlooking the bigger issue. A female narrator (English, to establish credibility and expertise) appears throughout the video explaining to its viewers (doubtlessly comprised, at least in part, of tiny-minded women) what is going on while TIME IS STOPPED!
Now, some people have held this power in the past. Most notably, Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell, but he was a clean cut American boy with a dream. He would never use his power for personal gain (except in that instance he froze time to reposition Slater’s fist to hit Principal Belding instead of himself). Never before has a British person wielded such awesome power (the ability to control time and space). No wonder America is in terror alert level yellow (elevated). Plus, with Zach Morris having dropped off the face of the earth, we have no one to counter this madwoman.
We know this women is evil – she used her powers to assault a GameStop employee – and amoral. She was willing to do anything to appease her corporate masters, including forcing an employee to shill GameStop “sharpen the mind, sharpen the body” Wii games he didn’t already think to peddle. Who’s to say she won’t one day cross the line and begin working for terrorists? Be fearful, gentlemen and feeble minded ladies. Be on the lookout for this woman. If you see her, run (if you can).
Now the only thing that stands before us and certain destruction is time. Soon, Great Britain will use this power to try to retake its former colony. Think of the potential consequences: we will have to relearn how to spell words like “colour”, “favourite”, and “nationalise”; toothbrushes will be made obsolete; we will abandon our nation’s pastime, baseball, in favor of cricket; and give up coffee for tea. Pray to whatever god you call your own. It may already be too late.
Now, some people have held this power in the past. Most notably, Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell, but he was a clean cut American boy with a dream. He would never use his power for personal gain (except in that instance he froze time to reposition Slater’s fist to hit Principal Belding instead of himself). Never before has a British person wielded such awesome power (the ability to control time and space). No wonder America is in terror alert level yellow (elevated). Plus, with Zach Morris having dropped off the face of the earth, we have no one to counter this madwoman.
We know this women is evil – she used her powers to assault a GameStop employee – and amoral. She was willing to do anything to appease her corporate masters, including forcing an employee to shill GameStop “sharpen the mind, sharpen the body” Wii games he didn’t already think to peddle. Who’s to say she won’t one day cross the line and begin working for terrorists? Be fearful, gentlemen and feeble minded ladies. Be on the lookout for this woman. If you see her, run (if you can).
Now the only thing that stands before us and certain destruction is time. Soon, Great Britain will use this power to try to retake its former colony. Think of the potential consequences: we will have to relearn how to spell words like “colour”, “favourite”, and “nationalise”; toothbrushes will be made obsolete; we will abandon our nation’s pastime, baseball, in favor of cricket; and give up coffee for tea. Pray to whatever god you call your own. It may already be too late.
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